


Paint

by TheLittleLostTimeLord



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Branding, Established Relationship, M/M, Memories, Painting, Reunions, post winter soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:04:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1485709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleLostTimeLord/pseuds/TheLittleLostTimeLord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He started to try and remove the metal arm that bears that damn red star, branding him like cattle. When that proved impossible he started to try and remove the star itself, but nothing seemed to even scratch it. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paint

Flashbacks crippled him for months as he started to remember everything. He could barely make it to the corner store for bread without collapsing, but slowly the flashbacks happened less and less, until they stopped altogether. He knew who he’d been before he was captured. He knew why Steve had been so desperate for him to remember. And now he did.

He remembered all the back alleys where he’d come to Steve’s rescue, and he remembered how Steve’s refusal to walk away helped him continue in his darkest moments.

He remembered how Steve and he used to spend entire days in eachothers arms, partially because their heat had been turned off again, but mostly because they could.

He remembered getting drunk one night and having Steve help him home. He’d confessed that night that he loved Steve and tried to apologize for being broken, but Steve had stopped him by kissing him and telling him that he loved him too.

He remembered buying flowers on his way home, even though Steve would complain about the waste of money and just smiling when the young woman asked him if they were for a special lady.

And he remembered getting the notice in the mail telling him he’d been drafted. He tried to fight it; Steve had no one else to take care of him, but he lost in the end. He told Steve he’d enlisted so he didn’t have to tell him he didn’t want to go.

He remembered seeing Steve for the first time after he’d received the super soldier serum and falling in love with the man all over again. He remembered thinking about how Steve’s body finally matched his spirit’s strength.

And he remembered falling from the train, thinking he was going to die, and, even though no one could hear him anymore, screaming what he thought would be his last words. “‘Till the end of the line, I’ll love you!”

Then he remembered the pain of experiments and the Russians brainwashing techniques He remembers slowly forgetting and he remembers all that came afterwards.

Once he knew everything he’s done he started to try and remove the metal arm that bears that damn red star, branding him like cattle. When that proved impossible he started to try and remove the star itself, but nothing seemed to even scratch it. He cried for the first time in decades. He wanted it to be over. He didn’t want to be The Winter Soldier. He wanted to be Sargeant Bucky Barnes and he wanted to be able to feel Steve’s arms around him promising they’d be fine no matter what, because Steve’s always so damn optimistic.

A week later he got an idea. He wandered around, wearing a coat and gloves and being thankful it’s winter, until he found a small art store. He picked out the three colors of paint he needed and a few brushes and paid for them. He was running low on cash, but he needs these paints more than he needed bread right then. He could go a few days without eating; He couldn’t go any longer branded like he was.

When he got back to his tiny, filthy apartment in the bad part of a bad city he sat down in front of the stained mirror and spent hours carefully crafting his design. It was exhausting and painting based of a mirror is tricky, but he kept going. Finally he finished and admired his work. On his shoulder was now the pattern of Steve’s shield, the only difference being that his star was red rather than white. It wasn’t perfect but he was proud of it.

The Russians had branded him and kept him brainwashed to control him. Now he’d finally managed to shake them He remembered everything and he’d rebranded himself. He’d always been Steve’s, no matter what they’d done. Now his brand showed that.

When what was left of S.H.I.E.L.D. first spotted him again they sent Barton and Romanoff after him. Steve insisted on coming as well, he hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could reach Bucky.

It was raining when Bucky was pulled into the alleyway next to his building. He turned to fight but stopped when he saw who it was. He lowered his arm and Steve told the others to stand down. They just looked at eachother for a while before Steve managed to speak.

“Bucky?” Bucky could tell he wanted to say more but he couldn’t, not until he was sure.

“Yes.” Steve smiled wider than either of them have in years.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. wants to take you in. They know it wasn’t really you who killed all those people. They just want to be sure you’re not dangerous.” Steve explained calmly, hoping Bucky was stable.

Bucky nodded and Steve to handcuffed him and led him to an armored truck a few blocks away.  Bucky didn't even have to ask Steve to sit in the back with him. They sat in silence not sure where they stood with each other, waiting. Barton and Romanoff returned and one of them began driving the truck. Later they loaded onto a plane and Bucky was stored in a soundproof cell and, as best as he could estimate, two hours later they landed in the middle of nowhere.

Once inside a large secure room in the top secret hidden base Steve unlocked his handcuffs. Bucky wanted to pull Steve close to him and never let him leave his side again, but he knew the mirror was two way and someone was watching and that Steve might not love him anymore, even if he forgave him.

Steve gave him some dry clothing and left. Bucky peeled off the still damp clothing he was wearing and dried of a bit more with the towel he’d been given. Then he pulled on the new set. He didn't care that someone was watching him change. He’d been in the army and the Russians hadn’t been big on giving him privacy. He checked his arm; The paint had begun to chip again. He wished he knew a more permanent way to keep the design.

Steve returned later after several rounds of tests performed by various kinds of doctors.

“Why’d you do that?” Steve asked pointing at his arm.

“They branded me with their star, but I ain’t theirs.”

“Suddenly patriotic are we, then?”

“It’s not that. Countries and regimes come and go. There’s no use being patriotic. I didn’t brand myself as America’s; I branded myself as yours.” Steve slowly stepped toward him.

“Bucky.” He sighed as he pulled him into a kiss, neither of them caring that someone was watching. Bucky held Steve tightly, even after they’d stopped kissing, not wanting to lose him again.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. has special paint, nothing can get it off. If you’d like I could fix it.” Steve offered, hopefully.

“Please.” Bucky said as he rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and they fell asleep on the small couch together.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://www.wolfstarforever.tumblr.com)   
>  [My Writing Tumblr](http://http://thelittlelosttimelord.tumblr.com/)


End file.
